I think It's much beter to tell the truth that hurts rather then lies that calm you down but kills you in the end.

At one point being a bit over paranoic is a good thing. The bad part is that you're nervous as hell, can't deal with your daily duties and jobs, it can easily affect your health and etc., but the good thing is that at least you care. You kinda over care.


I want it all to be bright, with no shadows around it.

Woke up at three today or more like tonight. Prob because I went to sleep at eight, that's some new shit. Please, Lee, feel well today. Mostly, when a person feels bitchy and fucked up, It automatically affects his routine, behavior and all the stuff.  For me It's the same but x666, so must take care and hope for the best, sick and tired of being sick and tired.


Let's build our life baby. Together, just me and you. And lots of chocolate, okay ?

I always wanted to have this with her :

Back from work - money here, together. Doing all we can, going thru this life together, faster and more effective, more fun and enthusiastic, enjoying days and nights, never letting go.

Placebo Leni still makes me shiver, at least through earphones full sounded. 

Sometimes You don't even have to do anything to do stuff. #reality. Don't, just don't forget that nothing's gonna "just" come to you. I am healing. I'm almost good to go now, to fly up where I must be and I belong.


I hate Lithuania and Lithuanians. All of them, soso deeply. I remember playing counter strike when I was about 13 y.o. I had to play either versus Top Lithuanian teams or teams from abroad. Sometimes we didn't even know what's the nationality of enemies, but for me It wasn't that hard to recognize. If enemy calls you a piece of shit, a fat bitch, tells you that he fucked your mom twice today - that guy is Lithuanian and you can insta answer him in his own language. Or even easier way for me was to look at their nicknames. Lithuanian team is gonna be "Peni$", "Eat shit" , "Your mom is dead" or etc. Good old times.
Mostly people here don't know what's out "there".. what is abroad and where it is, how is the living there. I loved my friends story about him living in Denmark. Where people care..... Care.... Forgot the meaning of this word living here. I wanna be in a place where government wants me, cares about me. I can't get it here.
Also, tried to remember how many times have I seen a person collecting a dogs poop here. Counted max 3 in my lifetime. I think It has been three times because I can remember two only but I just think should be at least one more. And whenever I take a look outside, doesn't matter what's the time, you can see about  4 dogs just twatting around. I don't like it, though you may assume that It's just a small thing but then I would shove up your ass with aprox. 846 more small things to make a fucking difference.
All my life I was trying to become indefuckingpendent and there I am now, having stable money, having my own flat and everything I need just because I fucking achieved it by doing my best. Country want's to take fuck loads of people like my to join the army for 9 months. Want be tbh ? I would kill myself. Literally. Rather then joining that PILE OF SHIT. What should I fight for ? For this piece of fucking crap ? Never in my life, It's not worth It. Also, the funny shit is that I would be instant bankrupt after this governments joke. Who would pay for my flat and pay the banks ? Who ? How would I get money ? Who would help me ? No one and nobody. Nobody gives a shit about you here. You are a shit, go die, whatever, nobody cares here. I'm spending 1000 EUR per month and we still live I would assume kind of poor, we can't do the things I would love us to do, just because of this lack. I will try and I'm trying to change it already.


We all have our open book, so let's not close it before It's done, okay ? Hold on to me, I'll hold on to you. Don't let my heart go and we'll go fucking far.
You can change your last name, change the way you look, you'll never change the marks that still remain. Never ask forgiveness, It has been done, new page is about to be opened.
Do You remember the last day of 2014 and the very first days of 2015 being on Facebook ? Have you seen ~15 friends of your fat ass promising everyone and itself that Everything in It's life is gonna change and it's gonna do shit loads of more stuff, they all had and showed tons of their own promising lists. Go and ask them idiots what has been done ? What's the fucked up percentage of them all who actually did something they told "us" all ? Just saying!

I'm that kind of person who mostly knows or at least does everything to know what's gonna be tomorrow, after month, this year, the next year and etc... Where am I gonna go and see tomorrow? What am I gonna tell him? What's then ? What bus am I gonna take to get back home? Will I go to the store right after that or firstly should I get my ass home? Where to have a cigarette then? in the balcony or on my way to the store ?
EVERYTHING. This is how you plan stuff. Planning is the secret of success. Let's do like this. You go and start a new business right now, just do it all. And I will stay like this and I will fucking think of every detail how the fuck my business is gonna be. And after one year your poor piece of turded fuck will fuck up and then my business will start growing. Think different or you will not fail, you will not cry, you will die. Either just inside or literally.

I love writing here, though mostly it makes no sense, f.e. this post may look and probably looks like one big pile of shit, but tbh, I absofuckinglutely don't give any fucks at this particular fucking point, because why should I ? Random thoughts that I don't want to have in my mind alone. Maybe, maybe somewhere someone will find something inspiring here, I don't care, that's now my point anyway. Sometimes by writing down this shit I get that weird exciting feeling inside, makes me stand and get my fat buns up and actually do stuff. Soon.

Good old evenings and remarkable moments. Shhh, let it all go and be serious.

I thought I was sure who should I take as a part of my life but some situations confuses the shit out of me. Maybe I would be happier on my own just like I was? I'm scared of these thoughts because I fucking know how fucking strong I am at these things. I can only hear "fuck you" or "Shut the fuck up" once. Because if you don't want to see and hear me again in your poor life, just tell me to fuck my ass up. If you didn't believe in magic until this point, shit is about to change because I can disappear for fucking ever like nobody else. And then - never again. And no regrets, never ever.

There is only one type of maths in my life : If you wanna go and live to New York, you must have 30k USD (If you're a serious person enough). To get 30k you must either work like a crazy bitch for long years or have an incredible job or your own business. To have all that you must be incredibly strong person, learn every day, be different with your ideas and style, it all starts with learning. If you wanna have your company or a good workplace you must either find a shitty job for max 300EUR per month (welcome to Lithuania, that's our food for one week) or try to risk it all and go for your business. To start your business you must have a business plan, to write it down you must have shit loads of ideas and a fucking paper with a pen, to have that you must go to the store to buy it, too bad the stores are closed now so just go to fucking sleep.
Life is hard and I'm pretty sure more than a half off all these idiots don't know it HOPEFULLY just not yet. You're not gonna die a damn virgin, life's gonna fuck all of us.

Girls think It's a good thing for them only, to wake up in the morning and hear her boyfriend telling her "Surprise!, I'm gonna take you by the sea today, I have your things packed so let's go!". I want it too. I wanna be treated like that because I secretly think I deserve it. #WeirdThoughts
I want to have a person who talks to me. Shares her thoughts with me at any situation, weather, mood. Always behind, not literally, but holding my hand. Who cares. Who doesn't only tell me she cares but simply damn proves it. I think I want to much from life, but yeah...